What is attachment parenting?
The term “attachment parenting” was first used by famed pediatrician Dr. Bill Sears. Attachment parenting is a child-centric approach to parenting in which the parent quickly meets every need of their infant in order to help the child develop a strong foundation of trust. The idea is that children will grow up believing the world is a nurturing place rather than an environment marked by scarcity and negative emotions. Attachment parenting typically includes breastfeeding, baby wearing, and co-sleeping.
Attachment parenting is based on 8 principles:
1. Preparation for pregnancy, birth, and parenting. Becoming emotionally and physically ready for pregnancy, birth, and parenting; setting realistic expectations and being flexible.
2. Feed with love and respect. Breastfeeding or “bottle nursing” to create a secure attachment; modeling healthy eating; offering healthy choices.
3. Respond with sensitivity. Respond to what your child is trying to communicate consistently; provide soothing instead of expecting a baby to self-soothe.
4. Use nurturing touch. Meet a baby’s need for physical touch, affection, security; hugs, snuggles, and play for older children.
5. Ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally. Safe co-sleeping to make the child feel safe and secure and make sure their needs are met.
6. Provide consistent loving care. Consistent presence of primary caregiver.
7. Practice positive discipline. Empathetic, loving, and non-physical discipline that teaches children to be empathetic, too.
8. Strive for balance in personal and family life. Meet the physical needs of individuals in the family without compromising your own physical and mental health.
While it sounds reasonable and some parents swear by this method, attachment parenting does have its critics. Some child-rearing experts believe that attachment parenting is overly demanding on the mother and stresses the relationship between parents.
Critics of attachment parenting also worry that working mothers will find it virtually impossible to be physically present for their babies, and all mothers are at risk of feeling inadequate and guilty if they feel they aren’t living up to the attachment parenting ideal. Children may learn to take advantage of their parents or become overly dependent on their parents. Co-sleeping has been linked to SIDS and is not recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics.
The key is balance. There is plenty of research promoting the benefits of breastfeeding and physical contact with babies. Parents who can provide for their baby’s needs and create a secure atmosphere, without ignoring their own needs, can make their own decisions regarding these topics. Creating a strong bond with your child cannot possibly be harmful, so follow your instincts, whatever parenting method you choose to follow.
Takeaways
- Attachment parenting includes breastfeeding, baby-wearing, and co-sleeping, though these are at the discretion of the parent.
- Attachment parenting can be very demanding of your time.
- This method of parenting can be very beneficial as long as you maintain balance.
I would say my husband and I practice a modified version of AP, like most of the other posters here. We chose the concepts that worked for us. My 17-month-old son is happy, healthy, and quite independent. He’s also very social, but I attribute that to my husband. They’re both people persons. 🙂
Love this! I had no idea what AP was until after the birth of my son when I found many of these principles were what we naturally started doing. I found that using our instincts and trusting that we knew our baby best made parenting so much easier! We didn’t do all of the AP ideas but chose what worked for us. It had led to a wonderful balance and happy toddler and parents (usually 😉
I strongly agree that attachment parenting is best because I did that with my first son and now my 2nd and it does make sense to call it “instinctive parenting” because it should just come natural to want to soothe your child. I don’t believe it causes kids to be whinny or needy either it seems to me to help parents be more connected and bonded with the children.
I think I’m one foot in and one foot out with attachment parenting. We don’t co-sleep, and I was back to work at 6 weeks so I’m not constantly around. But I believe in the other principles. I think what I’ve found is that tweaking them to work for our situation is best. Is there a type of parenting that falls between attachment and the other extreme (whatever the opposite of attachment parenting is)? I would love to see material on that!
I like to call attachment parenting “instinctive parenting” because it just seems right. I think one of the biggest myths around attachment parenting is that it will produce needy, dependent children and from my experience that can’t be further from the truth!
I love the term “instinctive parenting”. It’s what comes natural to me and works well with our kids.
Trusting yourself and doing what feels right for you and your family is so important to successful parenting. It is great you found your style and that it feels so healthy and natural.
When my partner and i started thinking about having a baby and reading about raising a child, Attachment parenting made so much sense to us. We practice attachment parenting in every way possible( other than co-sleeping). It was instinctual to parent this way, and I would never do it any other way. Our son, now 25 months, is very independent, healthy and is able to communicates with us what he needs, and what he FEELS. Communicating feelings is so important, and attachment parenting helps children to learn this skill.