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Socializing Preschoolers

Socializing Preschoolers

So I have an issues; my 4 year old has been aggressive twice at school in the past 2 weeks. She had a note sent home again today. She’s pinched a friend, and kicked a boy who wouldn’t stop teasing her–then pulled down his pants. As funny as this was when I read it, I’m not sure why she’s not using her words anymore. Could she be learning this behavior at school and copying? Any suggestion would be appreciated. Looking for a behavior chart at home to help empower good choices. Thanks!

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  1. We’ve gone through this with my daughter, who just turned four. Not so much with aggressive behavior, but with potty mouth and what I call “mean girl” type attitude. It is so frustrating once they start learning things at school. I can usually pull out of my daughter (not right away usually but later in a casual conversation) where she learned the behavior and it is always from someone else. I think conversations about why we don’t follow the behaviors of others and do what we know is right are always valuable. And being honest about how she will meet many people who don’t behave the way she has been taught- and that she can spread the nice behavior to others through her actions- is a helpful constant dialogue. The behavior chart sounds like a good idea, too!

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  2. Hi Kristen, Yes these can be learned behaviors. And if she is getting a “positive response” like someone laughing at her or the success of the boy who was teasing her to stop picking on her, then it could have been reinforced on some level. I would continue to encourage her to use her words and talk about other ways to get the same result. She can tell a teacher, walk away, use her words… There are lost of behavior charts out there, the main thing to focus on is the positive behavior you desire. A behavior chart is simply a contract with our children to illicit the behavior you desire. Keep track of the good days and reward her accordingly. I like intrinsic rewards best, ones that don’t cost you money but make her feel extra special about herself and the choices she made. She can earn extra time doing things she likes (playing at the park, reading books with mom or dad, a play date, she could pick a family movie…) Be creative. The idea is that she feel special. Above all be consistent. This episode will pass probably as quickly as it started.

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    1. Great ideas, I love the rewards of a playdate or extra books. I hadn’t thought of that! Thank you…

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