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Dear Bundoo: My friend’s kid is a brat

You probably have “those friends” too—the ones where you like the parents, but can’t stand the kids (or the way the kids are parented). Find out what Bundoo Behavioral Health Specialist Raquel Anderson says to one mom who can’t figure out how to tell her friend that her kid is a brat. Also, Dr. Jen tackles a common mom-to-be question: “Will my husband ever want me again after watching me deliver a baby?”

Dear Bundoo,

I can’t stand my friend’s kid. I love kids (especially my own), but there is something about this little boy that rubs me the wrong way. He is spoiled, and although I love my friend to death, she enables his whiny attitude. I feel like when his attitude or behavior gets out of control at my house during playdates, I can’t calmly discipline him or set house rules without her getting touchy about it. I’ve caught him throwing my son’s toys, kicking our dog, and complaining that “the food you make is gross.” What is the best way to approach the subject with my friend?

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

This is a very sensitive situation at best. It is never easy or comfortable to discipline a friend’s child. Depending on how close you are with your friend, you could express your concerns and preferences privately, maybe at a time when there are no kids around. It is not uncommon for a girl’s night or a day out without children to turn into a time of venting and problem-solving about family and household woes. This could be an ideal time to discuss and share your own observations. I would also encourage you to keep it objective and state observations. Try not to be accusatory. This will only make your friend defensive about her parenting and her son. In the event that a conversation is not possible, I would encourage you to try to avoid playdates in your home. If you can keep playdates at the park, beach, or other areas where the issues of toys, dogs, and food complaints can be avoided, some of this tension will be reduced.

Answered by Raquel Anderson, Bundoo Behavioral Health Specialist

 

Dear Bundoo,

We are about to have our first baby, and I’m worried about what my husband will think. He’s kind of squeamish in general, and the more we read about birth, the more grossed out he seems. I’m worried that once he watches me delivery a baby, he won’t find me attractive anymore. I’m already self-conscious, and I’m afraid it could kill our sex life if all he can see afterward is the birth.

—A Sexy Mama?

Dear Sexy Mama,

Yes! Many men have been present for the birth of their child and do not find it gets in the way of finding their partner attractive afterward.

This can be a pretty common thing women worry about—especially in this day and age, when partners are expected to be present when their baby is born (not like the old days when they were thrown out of the rooms!). It is true that giving birth is not always a glamorous process: there may be swearing, peeing, pooping, and bleeding. However, the majority of men will agree that their partner was never so beautiful as when she gave birth and became a mother. Very few in attendance have any problems with sexual intimacy afterward, but if you find that is the case, it may be worthwhile discussing it to see if there are any other deeper issues present.

Answered by Dr. Jennifer Lincoln, Bundoo OB/GYN

 

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About Jon VanZile, Bundoo Content Director

Jon VanZile is the Content Director at Bundoo, where he edits the weekly Dear Bundoo column.

Comments

  1. I have had more than one friend who has children I am not too fond of for one reason or another. If I really don’t like the way a child behaves at my house or around my children I simply don’t ask them to come over and don’t really show interest in meeting anywhere. If I had a close friend who has a child I don’t like to be around I simply bite my tongue and deal with it. A friendship is too important to lose over a bratty child and I am sure there are momma’s out there who aren’t too fond of my girls as well at times!

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