Dear Bundoo: My husband won’t have sex with me because I’m pregnant!
This week we hear from one mom-to-be who is feeling frisky but her husband is staying far away and another letter writer who found her son’s secret stash of junk food.
I’m 26 weeks pregnant with my first child. It hasn’t been that bad, except for some morning sickness early on, and the truth is I feel great. It’s kind of embarrassing, but I’m also “in the mood” a lot more than I used to be before I was pregnant. That should be good news, right? But it’s totally not good news. My husband is afraid he’s going to hurt the baby, so he’s acting weird and I feel like he’s judging me. I tried telling him that’s not true, but he says that sex can’t be healthy. Can you settle this for us? Is there any way sex can hurt our baby? Is there anything we can do to make it safer?
—In the Mood
Dear In the Mood,
Congrats on your pregnancy! You are absolutely right that some women actually have a higher libido when they are pregnant. This is not weird or strange at all. However, it can certainly be frustrating when your husband makes you feel odd or is afraid to have sex out of fear of hurting your baby.
The good news is that unless you have any high-risk conditions where your OB/GYN has said sex is off limits, you are in the clear. It might be helpful to reassure your husband that what you are feeling is totally normal and that sex cannot hurt your baby! In fact, you may want to remind him that your uninterrupted nights will soon be numbered so he may want to take advantage of the time you have left. It is important, though, to respect his feelings and to not make him feel guilty if he doesn’t want to have sex. For him, activities other than intercourse may satisfy your desires while at the same time respecting his fears, unfounded as they may be. Good luck!
Answered by Dr. Jen Lincoln, Bundoo OB/GYN
I’m writing about my 4-year-old son. I was picking up toys in his room the other day and found where he’d been hiding cookies and candy in his toy box. He didn’t hide it very well but I could tell from the way he’d put the pile of sweets in there that he hid it on purpose. I’m not sure how to handle this. I know we could probably do a better job with healthy eating in our house, and it’s my fault for leaving the junk food in a place where he could get it. But still, is it normal for a child his age to be sneaking and hiding food? Should we talk to him about it, and what should we even say?
—Junk Food Stash
Kids sneak food for a variety of reasons: they’re hungry, afraid they won’t get to eat something they like, are forbidden from a certain food but still want it, or other reasons.
Kids who sneak aren’t abnormal or doomed to a lifetime of sneaking! If you catch your child sneaking food, it is an opportunity to talk with him about your food rules and the boundaries you want maintained when it comes to eating. For example, you might let your child know he has to ask you before he can take any food that’s not part of a meal or snack, that the kitchen is closed between meals and snacks, or that food is eaten in the kitchen at the table. Reassure your child that he should come to you if he is hungry and that you’ll help him find a solution, like a piece of fruit or a future time when he can have sweets or other special foods.
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