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SAHM versus working moms: it’s not a mommy war

It seems that almost daily in my social media feeds, someone is posting an article about how being a stay-at-home mom is a thankless job that has led to a huge shift in career focus while putting the needs of others first.

And also: it seems that almost daily in my social media feeds, someone is posting an article about how being a working mom is a thankless job that has led to a huge shift in career focus while putting the needs of others first.

Hmmm.

I used to be in this boat too. In my past life as a full-time working mom, I used to feel that I missed a lot of moments with my son. I also felt that moms who stayed home with their kids probably thought I was a bad parent for being away so often. I “knew” I had it worse.

I then decided to scale back my hours so that I am now home more and am my son’s primary caretaker during the week (I did this for personal reasons, not because I was succumbing to any societal pressure). While I have loved what this has done for our family, it wasn’t so easy for me in the beginning to know where I fit in.

Now I swore that my work colleagues were judging me for putting my family first. Was I considered a disappointment to those who taught me, since I was “only” part-time? What would my son think when he was old enough to understand that I spent all this time in training and wasn’t actively spending every second of the day climbing the career ladder?

And then I realized a very important lesson: you can always find someone to judge you, but at the end of the day if you are doing what is best for you and your family, then it shouldn’t really matter what anyone thinks.

So while I continue to see these articles and posts and tweets about who has it harder, who’s doing it better, and who deserves more credit, I now glance at them and move on. And send a mental wish to the poster that she too finds her balance and realizes it’s not a mommy war. This one you can opt out of.

Stay-at-home moms and working moms alike can agree on one thing for sure: neither has the time to waste on being judged! Let’s not feed into these ideas that one is always better or worse than the other. Let’s just focus on what is right for our families.

At the end of the day…we are all excited for bedtime, right?

About Dr. Jennifer Lincoln, Bundoo OB/GYN

Jennifer Lincoln, MD, is a Bundoo OB/GYN who balances her career and family life in Pennsylvania. Follow her on Twitter.

Comments

  1. Always good to respect other people’s decisions, marvel at how well they do and compliment the job they have done. Everyone has there own circumstances and special challenges. Bundoo is here to make it all a little easier so that we can enjoy the ride along the way.

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  2. Perfect article. My favorite line is, “…it’s not a mommy war. This one you can opt out of.” Thanks Dr. Jen!

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  3. I see a lot of social media articles as well about judging both stay at home moms and working moms and I choose not to read them. You have to do what is right for your family and it is nobody’s business what you do. As long as you are happy with your decision, there is nothing to feel guilty about!

    Reply
    1. Agreed!!

      Reply

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